The Paperboy
On our early morning walk today, we saw the paperboy delivering our local weekly newspaper, The Argus Courier, in his brand new $50,000 Chevy Suburban. I guess they pay paperboys better these days than when I was a ‘paperboy’!
I was 13 when I had a paper route in Oklahoma City. The papers, packaged and bundled in a flat package, were dumped at ~4:00 am at the corner of SW 51st and Shartel, a few blocks from my house. There I would roll the papers, secure them with a rubber band and fill my newspaper bag. Once full, I would set the straps of the bag on the handlebars of my bike and flip it over the bars with the bag open to me so I could easily grab a rolled paper and throw it on the porch of a customer as I rode by.
My experience as a baseball catcher being able to throw accurately to 2nd base was handy and I usually hit the porch. Occasionally, I would hit the metal panel on the bottom of a screen door and that would awaken every dog on the block but it was worth the risk because customers tipped more when they found the paper on their porch every morning.
I had one grumpy customer who was an early riser; every morning I would find him waiting on his porch wearing a robe that would not close (showing his ‘wifebeater’ undershirt and boxers) with his cup of coffee in his hand. I would always try to land the paper at his feet and if I missed he would yell and cuss at me. Mr. Grumpy was clearly not a fan of mine but he was not a big tipper and my aim seemed to get worse with time.
It was during my paperboy days that my sister, Jonna Darlene (my Mom must have had a thing about the initials J.D.), and her new husband came to stay with us for a couple of months. They owned a couple of nightclubs at the time and although they could not afford a place to live, they had just purchased a brand new 1968 Cadillac Coupe DeVille. I reckoned it was required for nightclub owners to arrive in style.
Several of my friends had ‘borrowed’ a parent’s car in the middle of the night to practice their driving and we were all excited to experience some time behind the wheel. One early morning as I was leaving to deliver the news, I noticed the keys to the Caddy sitting on the coffee table while my sister and her hubby slept in the hide-a-bed in the living room. They did not awaken as I grabbed the keys.
That morning, I delivered the newspapers in style. And when I came to Mr. Grumpy’s house, I stopped and walked the newspaper up to the porch as he stared in disbelief. I handed him the paper and retreated, saying, “Nice ride, huh?” He did something completely unexpected — he laughed out loud! As I left, he was still chuckling. It improved our relationship and although I went back to delivering papers on my bike, he quit yelling at me. But he still didn’t tip well, I guess he figured if I had a Caddy at home, I didn’t need it.
